i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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