My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
