Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
