I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Drake has all the answers
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
