I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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