so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
