Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
