I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
