wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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