so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
