she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am available for nakedness
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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