I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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