Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
