So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
