you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize