i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
