worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
