And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
