i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
