i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
