I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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