omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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