we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
