yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
