You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
