I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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