Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
