New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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