I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize