LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
