frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
