I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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