It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
