there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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