Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
