Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
