i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
