I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
