I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So vagazzling was a success
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
