This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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