I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize