what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
