I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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