The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
thus making me awesome and them whores
what day is it and did you see me today?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
