Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
