Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
