Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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