quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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