My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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