There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
