my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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