I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
