I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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