kristin has been a bad kristin
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
