just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
