Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
