shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My bed smells like the plague
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize