Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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