you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
