did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize