He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
