is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
