The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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