It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
