How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
