She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
