What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
