I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
