I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if only i could text you this smell
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
