Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
